Baptists

by Sean Jones, Cajun

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00:48
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05:46
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04:51
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credits

released February 21, 2016

Written, performed, recorded and mixed by Sean Jones
Mastered by the Auto Audio Mastering System (AAMaS)

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Sean Jones, Cajun Charlotte, North Carolina

I'm just a guy that enjoys making music that pushes my boundaries. Hopefully it pushes yours too.

For the love of god, don't take me seriously

I expect fame, fortune, and, most of all, female consorts.

Please let me
know what you think at www.facebook.com/seanjonescajun/!
... more

contact / help

Contact Sean Jones, Cajun

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Track Name: Spreadsheets
[Explicit]
Don't worry soon things will change
pop music is all about holding your ADHD brain
truth is you've skipped the song
if you're under 15 and still argue with your mom

(Child)
"I need adderal because I can't focus on anything"

"Raise your glass even though you're underage
shake your ass 'cause it's all the rage"
doesn't take any skill to write
but hey, its catchy so someone will bite

(Mother)
"My son does not need ADHD drugs. He is in kindergarten. He just wants to play like all the other kids."

To be honest I'm really poor
time to compromise my values like a whore

Go out
get drunk
disobey your parents
and stuff
have sex
with strangers
in bed
there's no danger
steal your
parent's keys
don't worry
about STDs
do drugs
in front of cops
all they'll do
is tell you to stop

No songs over 4 minutes
that's all you've got so make sure to kill it
Lyrics don't matter if they're catchy
statistically proven with this spreadsheet

(Producer)
"As you can see on the spreadsheet, the lyrics don't do shit"

Oh wait, I almost forgot
repetition really gets you guys off

Go out
get drunk
disobey your parents
and stuff
have sex
with strangers
in bed
there's no danger
steal your
parent's keys
don't worry
about STDs
do drugs
in front of cops
all they'll do
is tell you to stop

(Singer)
"So did you guys notice how my voice goes down in the choruses? That's so you guys can sing along, and when you guys sing along it gets stuck in your head, and when it gets stuck in your head I make more money. One more time!"

Go out
get drunk
disobey your parents
and stuff
have sex
with strangers
in bed
there's no danger
steal your
parent's keys
don't worry
about STDs
do drugs
in front of cops
all they'll do
is tell you to stop

(Teenager)
"Hey did you hear that new album?"
(Child)
"Whats an album?"
(Teenager)
"Well its this thing that's... people get a bunch of music, they put it together and then they release it"
(Child)
"Oh.... No... People only make singles for radio now. Go back to the '70s"

(Old man)
"Hey kid! Your music sucks. What the fuck is 'trap music' "

(Bad imitation of a trap star)
"I'm a savage... I'm a god"

(Old man)
"Back in my day you only needed 4 chords not a fuckin' synthesizer to make music"

(Bad imitation of a trap star)
"Savage"

(Singer)
"One more time!"

Go out
get drunk
disobey your parents
and stuff
have sex
with strangers
in bed
there's no danger
steal your
parent's keys
don't worry
about STDs
do drugs
in front of cops
all they'll do
is tell you to stop

(Conspiracy theorist)
"pop music consists of the eight basic chords, man. Its all a formula, dude man: verse, verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus, chorus, man. They're controlling your mind, man. They just want your money. They just want you to buy their [removed to avoid litigation] single, dude man. The weapon industry owns the music industry, man. They're evil. Fuckin' evil.

(Hippie)
"Whatever happened to the guitar solo, man? it used to be an art, dude. Now its dead... Like all the flowers... Far out.... Psychedelic!)
[Laughter]

(Producer)
"Why don't you come over here, you sexy lookin' spreadsheet. You just hop on my... hop on my four inch. You're gonna love this. Bring a couple of your friends back there. I swear to god I'll show you a great time spreadsheet. You're gonna love me. You're gonna love me.
Track Name: The Hippie Strikes Again!
(Producer)
"Remember: this is your big protest song. Tell the american people what they need to hear. Show some emotion."
(Hippie)
"Got it, man. Straight from the heart."

Why won't all the flowers come back
I miss them so
I wonder every day, what made them go.
All of these new age girls run around
in their flower pattern pants
I wonder if the flowers came back
would they still sing and dance

Real hippies aren't supposed to dance in Indian costumes and such
They should go out and protest all of the bad things still happening to us

Back in my day there was the Vietnam War
So many people starving and poor
None of these things have changed today
But the hippies have all but faded away

Nowadays if the cops beat you up
you put it online and sue them
In the sixties you did it just to be part of the movement
There was the draft to fear and year by year
you'd watch your friends die off
You skinny punks just watch the college kickoff

Real hippies should sleep with each other all covered in dirt and muck
Braid flowers in hair and without a care
talk about how Nixon did suck

Back in my day there was the Vietnam War
So many people starving and poor
None of these things have changed today
But the hippies have all but faded away

Where are all the flowers today?
When flower power died, did they all say:

All of these new people scared us away
we want the old ones to always stay
maybe we'll come back one day
when people learn to love again
and we are appreciated by mean and women alike
you can just call us at any old time
you know that we do love you all
and we want to see you again
but please oh please remember 'till then

Real hippies should sleep with each other all covered in dirt and muck
Braid flowers in hair and without a care, say how the government sucks

Back in my day there was the Vietnam War
So many people starving and poor
None of these things have changed today
But the hippies have all but faded away

(Producer)
"How much acid did you do when you were a kid?"
(Hippie)
"A lot, man. Why?"
(Producer)
"Because I don't think that song meant anything. Come on, lets get out of here."
Track Name: 115.3985 "New Country All Day"
All I do when I get down is drive around and sleep around

Its hard livin' life so country
I had two sheep that died last week
I don't know if the crops will come in just right

All I do when I get down is drive around and sleep around

I may have an alcohol dependency
I don't think there's anything wrong with me
Ridin' my tractor through the fields
I work real hard, hard for my meals
Everyday is a little bit of strain
That's just what keeps me sane
Out here everybody knows each other
That's how I slept with Marty's wife last summer

All I do when I get down is drive around and sleep around

I'm afraid of the gays
I live life in a light beer haze
My mind is a maze
Those democrats are surely crazed
But I go to church on Sundays

My wife's an ugly old ragdoll
I'm pretty sure she's some kinda whore
But it's getting near the end of the song
So I'll way I love her so we don't get divorced

I love you baby muffin
But sometimes you just don't cut it

All I do when I get down is drive around and sleep around
Track Name: Meanwhile at an Undisclosed Practice Space
Republicans brainwashed your mind
They're lying all the time
all politicians should die

Anarchy

I'm not a psychopath
The establishment is just trash
I do a whole lotta meth
I'm not afraid of death

Death

The U.S. Staged 9/11
I work at a 7/11
There is no hell or heaven

Atheists

I hate everything
Everything is a lie
The truth is out there you just have to dig
Everything is a lie
I cry all the time
Track Name: Terracotta in (mostly) A Phrygian and Harmonic Minor
(Instrumental)
Track Name: Get Near Me
Girl you a fine lookin' spreadsheet
You make me feel so good
We had such a good time today
Truth is you're givin' me wood

All your numbers and lines baby
They match up so right
Oh lord please save me
Can I have you tonight?

Baby get near me
Come on baby, get sexy

I've never seen a spreadsheet like you
in all the years of doin' what I do
I've never seen a spreadsheet like you
Not to love you I'd be a fool.

[Indistinct flirtations]

(Producer)
"Darling, I know its soon, but will you marry me?"

(Spreadsheet)
"Yes. Yes, A million times, yes"

[Joyous clamor]

(Producer)
"I swear to god, spreadsheet, I'm gonna show you such a good time. You're gonna love me. You're gonna love me"
Track Name: Married Young
Don't you like my shiny car?
Don't you like my kanthal cigar?
Don't you like my mid-length hair?
Don't you like my brain dead stare?

I'll make sure to shower you in stuff
and make sure to treat you just well enough
so that you'll stick around and play with me
even though all your friends will say, see

that you're too good for me

Just ignore them and follow your stupid heart
be a real woman and swallow your fresh start
assume that I'm the source of all good things
at the very moment that I come and clip your wings

We've been going steady for about eight months
you didn't make too big a' fuss

'Cuz I only hit you once

Your friends, theyll tell you to leave
You say it was just a one time thing
besides, you were being stupid that day
and forgot how I like my eggs

You still love me anyway

I learned how to be entitled from the best
My self-absorbed middle-class white parents
I deserve for you to do whatever it is that I want
because I'm hardly your husband, practically your boss

One day you'll learn but until then
I'll boss you around and treat you like shit
I'll sit on the couch and drink alone

That's what we get for marrying young
That's what we get for marrying young
Track Name: &TH-446, Interlude in C Major
[Instrumental]
Track Name: Baptists
She was a typical uptown girl
loving life and love, enamored with the world
She'd walk around and see the sights
I found her one night and set her in my sights

I asked her for a drink
and she kindly obliged
I tossed her a wink
she blushed a bit, she was shy
I was her for a couple days
I was putting in the work
I'll admit it was a haze
I don't stand firmly on earth

Finally one night I took her home, yes you know I did
I sat with her on the bed when she said...

"Can I take you to church?"

Jesus ruined my love life, yes he did
Jesus makes 'em up-tight, its a sin
Cockblocked by the king of the jews
too bad I can't pick or chose

So since I don't have options I had to go
Maybe afterwards she'd open up like the hymnal

The preacher took me up on stage
to introduce me to the world
I kindly smiled and waved
but I didn't say a word
I got back to my seat
and sat through the whole thing
When I finally stepped outside
the holy trinity was waiting for me

"Wait, you want me to do what?
With all three of you?"

Baptists are dirty
whoever knew
They don't make it wordy
they just do what they do
Baptists are dirty
I had no clue
These ladies were hasty
I was still wearing a shoe

"Oh that's real angora"

I was cockblocked by the king of the jews
but I didn't have to pick or chose
He laid them out there before me
and goddamn I was made a whore, see
Now I'm headed to hellfire and brimstone
I'd say its worth it just for one.
Track Name: Sexual Depravity at the Juice Bar
I just wanna relax
There's too much going on today
I gotta go to the juice bar
Where I can be healthy in my own way

All natural, man

Playing in that punk band was a bad Idea
But I'm glad I got away from that producer
and his fetish for spreadsheets
Away from his sick sexual needs
And frightening
Fantasies

Wait! What are you doing here?

"Our hippie is surprised to find his producer with his divorce lawyer in the juice bar. The producer is raving about a fresh sexual experience with three women and a tree he had shortly after his divorce."

Sexual depravity!

"Our hippie is so distraughtified by the extreme perverse nature of the producer's sexual activities that he leaves the juice bar, vowing never to return to the music industry on account of the pronounced amount of"

Sexual depravity!

"The nature of the producer's sexual activities is so perverse, in fact, that his lawyer chooses to take his own life instead of feeling the guilt for separating this man from his wife on favorable terms."

Sexual depravity!
Track Name: Not Knowing Who You Are
[Instrumental]
Track Name: Not Knowing Who You Are pt. 2
[Instrumental]